Where It All Began

I'm not sure which 'it' my title refers to, so i will go with all 3 'its'.  

I met my husband - I'm not ready to put our names out there just yet so I'll refer to him as Eric - when I was 15.  I was instantly drawn to him.  He was beautiful, funny and his laugh was infectious, but he had the 'bad boy' thing about him - I was hooked!  

It took a long time for us to get together.  We went off and had other relationships and children but I always felt that connection to him.  We would catch up from time to time over the next 9 years but it wasn't until i was 24 that things moved forward with us.  I wish I could say from here it was all roses but it really wasn't.  Eric was a NIGHTMARE!  He wasn't the funny, easy going guy i remembered, he had changed.  He could be so cold and distant - don't get me wrong there were glimpses of the old Eric, the one with the infection laugh and sparking eyes, but most of the time there was nothing there.  He had been hurt so badly by his last 2 relationships that he had the walls built so high that it took me 6 years to knock them down.  I couldn't understand how someone could hurt him so bad - it seemed impossible to me.

Everything changed for us in 2018.  I had ended the relationship, I couldn't handle being pushed away anymore, but then there he was - the guy with the sparkling eyes and infection laugh was back, and he was better than ever!  We built a life over the next 3 years and it was pretty damn perfect!  We more than made up for those first 6 years with the laughs and the memories we made - but there should have been so many more to make!

So you have had the first 2 'it's' - When we met and when our relationship started - now its the 3rd one, the dreaded one!

2021 our world changed.  Eric has tests and we got the news that no one wants - Stage 4 Cancer! - When people say you leave your body it is true.  I felt like i was watching a couple in a movie being given the news but it wasn't a movie and it was my Eric who was getting the news.  We knew it was cancer before we were officially told, but we NEVER expected it to be that late or that aggressive, not when it had only been 5 months since the first symptom.

In an instant, our life went from planning a wedding, holidays and the rest of our lives, to hospital visits and treatment plans.

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