Me, Him and The Big C

 "We are very sorry but the recent biopsy shows that you do have cancer, it is advanced melanoma" - The words we dreaded. We had so many questions but were left with no answers, except advanced melanoma. We had no idea what advanced meant - what stage was that? Whats the next steps? The hospital couldn't tell us anything more, except Eric needed a brain scan and we would be referred to a specialist cancer center 'soon' - Soon? What does that mean? How soon? What do we do until then? So many questions and no answers.

Eric went for his scan and i rang my parents, right there in the hospital corridor i collapsed to the ground crying on the phone to my parents - we had no answers but i knew it was bad. I remember wiping away the tears as Eric came back from his scan - time to put the big girl pants on now as he needed me. Eric made the decision to tell him parents and his best friends on his own - he didn't want me to keep reliving the conversation - Little did he realise, that was all i was doing! Then together we had to tell my son - how do you tell a 14 year old who loves this man as if he was his own dad that he is so ill and his whole world is going to change - Let me tell you ... with great difficulty. Trying not to show how scared you are and explain that you want to be as open as you can but you don't have all the answers is so hard. From that day forward my son has tried to step up and be the man for us all, something that no teenager should have to do!

Before we got the news from the hospital, Eric was still living life as he always had. He had a bit of time off work due to some aches and pains but we still did our usual things - spent time with friends, had date nights, family games night etc, but the day after the hospital visit Eric had every symptom he should have been having and rarely left the bedroom after that.

We had our appointment at the Cancer Center a week after diagnosis. We had the brain scan results - more cancer! Eric had cancer in his lymph nodes, stomach, sternum, spine, liver and brain! The doctors couldn't believe he was walking unaided. I kept thinking they had the wrong results, Eric, as he had through it all, showed no emotion - he looked at me, at the doctors "right, what are the options?". He was put forward for immunotherapy, with only a 40% chance of it working, we were told the side effects could be sever, even life threatening, but without it he would die anyway so it was a no brainner. Treatment started 3 days later.

I have always been a planner and someone who needs facts. I researched every website for side effects of the treatment and the cancer, buying EVERYTHING i had seen recommended - some things helped and were worth it, but others had the reaction of "babe, what the hell is this?" Eric thought it was hilarious with some of the stuff i bought, but i didn't know what we would or wouldn't need and i wanted to make sure i had everything just in case.

This started our roller coaster on the journey that is cancer - the roller coaster than none of us want to be on!

💟